Zion Narrows

A couple of months ago Aaron, our son-in-law made reservations for a hike down Zion Narrows over the state Pioneer Day holiday. I made arrangements to get the time off as Zion National Park is one of my very favorite places to go. Then the brain tumor hit. The family still went, but instead of me going I am helping Roma babysit a few of the grandkids. I love my grandkids and I am having a blast being with them but I have to admit there have been some tears shed when I think about being in the narrows. If you haven't been, you should go. It is that spectacular and beautiful. Oh well, life seems to throw some snowballs at you when you're expecting daisies but hopefully we grow from our trials. I know I have!!

When I think back on this time since the tumor appeared the most constant theme that comes to mind is love. The love of immediate family that makes special arrangements to be with me or call Roma and I every day to check on us. The love of a neighborhood that still is bringing by food, cards, gifts, and good will to our home. The love of church leaders who just care and give of their time and means to serve my family and the rest of the Ward. The love of brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins and old friends who care and share tears of sorrow, remembrance, and joy. Especially I think of the love of a Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ who loved us enough to prepare a plan whereby we could return to them. Life doesn't end here, Our relationships don't end here; they will continue for eternity. I know Roma and I will be all right because ours is an eternal relationship. I constantly marvel at the peace the Gospel of Jesus Christ brings to my heart. I am grateful for it and I hope you all can feel it in your hearts also.

Enduring

I had the best day yesterday (Saturday). I didn't have to go to radiation; I had a good nights sleep and had good energy all day. I even got to go to my Grandson Owen's first birthday party then after I got home watched a Harry Potter movie with Abe and Dallin. I wish every day were like that, but I realize they won't be like that all the time. My life now revolves around my treatment schedule. I have had 14 radiation treatments. Monday I will be half way done. I still haven't lost much hair although I shave it everyday (it makes it easier to apply lotion or other treatments to my tender head). I will lose it permanently everywhere the radiation enters and exits my head so I will have a splotchy head. Get used to a shaved Paul. Roma is even getting used to the look although she started crying last night when looking a pre-surgery picture of me.

I am rambling so I will get to what I am thinking about this morning. I am not a very patient person. I want to know the end from the beginning with time frames. I want to know if I will be here for the completion of the Harry Potter movies or the release of the Hobbit on film. (Both unimportant events) I want to know if BYU stays in the MWC or gets invited to the Big 12. I want to know if I will be around for my next grandchild's birth or the baptism of the 2 grandkids who will turn 8 next year. I want to know lots of things and I don't. I can't even know if my treatments are working for a month after they are finished. I think that is part of the Lord's plan. He wants to know if we are in the game until the end no matter when that is. As a people we want to know when things are going to happen. It is human nature but God operates on his eternal time frame. He has a plan for us and oftentimes it isn't for us to know. This life is a time to prove to him that we are in it for the long haul. I believe I am and I am confident God will let me stay long enough to complete what he wants me to accomplish while here. I just hope and pray I can endure to the end; to fight the good fight; to prove to my Heavenly Father that I am worthy to return to him when this life ends.

Baptism

Riley, my oldest grandchild. 12 years old. I am too young to have a grandkid that old.

My four newest grandchildren all born in 2009

Owen John, He like Grandma better than me.

Molly and Tyson, they like Grandpa, My goal is to convert Owen.

Noah and two of his cousin at his baptism. (Abe and Dallin)

The Birthday Boy and His Grandpa Pete

Cooper Joseph looks and acts like his dad. Which isn't all bad!

Roma makes each of the grandkids a quilt when they turn 8. This is Noah's

Saturday it was my privilege to attend the baptism of my Grandson Noah Thomas. He is a very good boy and a great big brother to his two younger brothers (Cooper and Tyson).

His dad baptized him, but Noah asked me to confirm him. This was two weeks ago when I was speaking even slower than I am now. I accepted his invitation. How could I not. The baptism went off great. When it was my turn to confirm him I felt the spirit so strong. I also felt the strength and the prayers of those in the circle with me. I am so appreciative of the power of the Spirit and the power of the priesthood. It guided me in giving that blessing and it's guiding me through my challenges. I love my family and occasions like this one strengthen that bond.

Update

I have gone through 7 sessions of radiation and have taken the chemo pill for 10 days. I count it as a blessing that I haven't got sick. I am a little tired, but that is what they told me to expect. That should get a little worse as time goes on, but that should be manageable. My speech is improving every day as long as I work at it. The more I talk the better I get. When I wake up in the morning I have the hardest time getting started. I need to read more out loud, but I make so little progress on whatever I am reading that it becomes boring to me. I do best when reading children's books to the grandkid. They are more patient than I am and seem to enjoy my slow reading. I have weekly sessions with a speech therapist. She has been very helpful. I just need to be more diligent in doing the exercises she has given me. The problem with my speech is the muscles on the right side of my face. I need to re-strenthen and re-wire them to return to normal (or at least close to normal) speech. So if you see me making funny faces, I am working on my speech.

As I said before, the Lord has greatly blessed me and my family. I have recovered from my surgery well and I couldn't be more pleased with how the chemo and radiation are going. My speech gets better every day. Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers. They work and I am grateful to you for them. God Bless you.

The value of a hug.

I have become a connoisseur of hugs. They range from the big burley guys who don't know what to say and make up for it by the force of their hugs and the meek hugs of the little ladies of our neighborhood with heartfelt comments of love and concern.

I have been a little anxious to see my 5 grandchildren who live in St George. The two oldest were here when I was diagnosed but none of them had seen me since my surgery. Knowing them I was concerned that my speech would scare them. I needn't have worried. Their parents had prepared them well. They knew what to expect. They each were excited to see their grandma and grandpa again and each gave hugs and kisses. Brooke (7 years old) immediately upon seeing me rushed into my arms and gave me the most fervent hug I can remember. It must have lasted one or two minutes. That single hug and all the love it contained has buoyed my spirit ever since as well as all the others I received. I have received extra hugs from all my grand children even those that a month ago thought they were too old or too cool for it. It has helped me and and I think it has been therapeutic to them also. Hugs are an expression of love that have benefited me greatly

I started chemo and radiation yesterday. Everything is going great so far. The chemo didn't make me sick and the radiation has been painless so far. I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. They are working!

Radiation Begins Monday

The clinic was able to do the prep word faster than expected, so I begin radiation and chemo Monday morning. I will go each work day. I get July 5th and 24th off. The chemo I take each night at bedtime along with a nausea pill. They are confident that I will tolerate the chemo well. I will lose my hair permanantly where the radiation enters my skull and where it exits so I will shaving my head beginning next week. I think I will let my grandkids do it this weekend. According to my dad God only made so many perfect heads and they belong to bald people. Roma is skeptical of that statement.

I have to admit I am a little anxious about this coming month. So much depends on how this goes. I would solicit your prayers in my behalf. I still have a calm spirit about the situation. The mercies of the Lord have been with me continuously. I am so thankful. Your prayers are felt more than you will ever know.

Torture chamber

They need to hold my head perfectly still while they radiate my head. So they have prepared a mask that they will strap on me during each treatment. There is a lot a physics that goes into the process so this has been quite interesting. I glad I'm not claustrophobic. I have to admit today as they were making adjustments that I became a little anxious as time went on. The normal time for my daily radiation will be only 15 minutes or so.

I have completed my course of steriods. I am glad that is done. I can now get a good nights sleep, but I will miss the alone time that I have had in the middle of the night. I need to continue to set aside time for deep thinking.