Brain Tumor

Thursday May 27, I was as work at RC Willey. I felt a little confused. I had a hard time speaking the words I wanted to say. I gave up and went home early. I chalked it all up to a bad cold. I took drugs. It was a little better Friday and Saturday. Then Sunday I had to give a talk at Church Sunday. I struggled again finding the words I wanted to say. I went to work Monday and had a pretty good day. Tuesday I had a horrible day, and I decided to go to the doctor Wednesday morning. He immediately scheduled me for an MRI. I had one an hour later and less than a half an hour after the MRI I had an appointment with Dr.Paul Gardner, a neurologist. He met with Roma and I late Wed. night and told me that I had a mass on the left hand side of my brain. I had three scenarios all of which involved removing the mass. He hoped it would be an abcess caused by bactiera. I had had a lousy cold, and combined with some dental work I had had previously it seemed logical. The other two scenerios involved tumors; a much worse scenario.

That day is almost a dream. Roma and I knelt down for prayer immediately when we found out about the mass. I had an overwhelming feeling of calm come over me that has existed to the present time.

It turns out that I did have a tumor, that has now been removed. I will be undergoing radiology and chemo therapy beginning this week. The prognosis isn't good, but I do still feel the same calmness. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me whatever may come.

The good news it that I am feeling better every day. The priesthood blessing that two of my sons and father-in-law gave me has been fulfilled. The tumor affects my speech patterns. I have to concentrate on how every word sounds.

I experienced moments of revelation. I think of a grandson struggling to learn words. I now have more empathy for him. My granddaughter is developmentally delayed. I am 60 years developmentally delayed!! My speech is hampered, but my spiritual senses have been enhanced. I have been able to express to my wife and my children feelings I have long withheld.

I have cried buckets of tears, not for sorrow, but for love. I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that the Lord loves me and he has a plan for us. It is an eternal plan. We may not know every turn and stumble in the road, but as we struggle to remain faithful we will be blessed!! Eternally!!

I know that Jesus Christ suffered not only for the sins of the world, but that he suffered my pains and anguish too. I feel wrapped up in the arms of His love. I feel all wrapped up in the love of my friends, ward members, hospital staff, brothers, sisters, long lost cousins and anyone else who has gone out of their way to bless the life of the Paul Peterson family.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!